And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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