I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
