yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
