how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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