Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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