I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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