i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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