Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
