Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize