My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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