I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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