remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
