it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
