It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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