i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
