would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
