you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
