Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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