The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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