I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
