I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
