I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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