I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
