drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
