What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
