I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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