We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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