Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize