Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
