Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dick very happy bro
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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