i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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