I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
