I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So much rum. So many feels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
