You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
