I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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