he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
