I've blown a few things in my day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
