Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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