Buhtt sex?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
