Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize