Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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