He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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