New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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