I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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