I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
