Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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