he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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