woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize