i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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