Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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