Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my liver is dry heaving
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize