More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
