We're facebook friends in real life
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
