you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
