Kiss
Puke
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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