How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ugly people sure do ruin things
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize