Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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