i think my mom watched the whole time
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
