I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish there were birth control emojis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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