I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
