i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize