i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
