I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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