Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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