Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm really busy with my period
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