Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
