I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
