People in love make me want to vomit
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
