I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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