well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
