I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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