It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize