She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is it penis luge time yet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
