wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
