could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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