god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
