I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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