I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
