My hair reeks of homosexuality.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
