"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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