Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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