I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize