I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
