addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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