i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
