So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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