why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
