The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
