Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
