very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize