I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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