We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
