It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize