i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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