I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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