1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
