Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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