I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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